A Love Letter to my Children

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me to write a post for his blog, www.johnnywholeheart.com.
I thought I'd share with you what I wrote: A Love Letter to my Children.

My two favorite memories in life were the moments I first held you in my arms. It’s hard to describe that moment to someone who’s never experienced it, because it’s unlike anything else in life.  But I once heard that moment described as a tsunami of love overtaking the mother and I would have to agree. I was overwhelmed with love and caring thoughts toward you.

 

 

Evelyn, you looked just like your daddy.  That was literally the second thought I had after I met you. My first thought was, “Wow! That’s a big baby!” I couldn’t stop stroking your soft skin and kissing your sweet face. I repeated over and over, “My baby, my sweet baby” in the delivery room. You were the most welcome fruit from my long labor.

Those first days at home were magical. I would rock you in that green stuffed rocker and sing “I see the moon,” the same song my Papa used to sing to me. I would cry as I held you, overwhelmed with this new love that you brought when you entered our lives.  We spent our evenings just watching you breathe in and out. In and out.  I couldn’t believe how beautiful you were. It wasn’t long before your lively personality began to shine through. You are joy in its purest form.

Charlie, my sweet son. You are truly your mother’s delight. When you let out your first cry and breathed your first breath of air, my heart exhaled, so relieved and grateful for my strong little man. The first thing we noticed about you were your hands… they were quite big for a newborn. I could tell from the very beginning that you had a calm and gentle disposition, a lot like your daddy’s. It wasn’t but a few hours after you were born that the two of you were taking a nap together on the couch.

 

 

I love watching you grow. Your eyes are always on the move, looking for something to catch your attention. You notice people and absolutely love your sister. You’re blind to her jealousy. And you always, always have a smile on your face. I call you my cheerful Charlie. You’ve been the best addition to our little family, filling the void we’ve felt without you.

Your dad and I talk about you two all of the time. We still can’t believe that you belong to us. One of our favorite things is to watch you two smile at each other and interact with one another. One day we’ll be gone, but you two will always have each other.

Being your mom is such an honor. It’s consumed my whole life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Making sacrifices for you, although it’s not always easy, it’s completely natural. I would rather go without something than for you to have an unmet need.

 

 

I heard in college that love is the accurate estimate and adequate supply of another’s needs. I think that definition sums up motherhood. I want so desperately to make sure all of your needs are met and that I am preparing you well for the future. I want to give you the best. You may not always be happy with my decisions and the way that they affect you, but please trust my heart. My heart is for you.

Now, I’m not perfect, as you already know. I’m a broken person, trying to hold all of my pieces together. And sadly, my brokenness will affect you. I won’t be able to meet every need you have, even if sometimes it’s in my power to do so and there will be times that my choices hurt you. I’m sorry. And I hope that I will always have the courage to admit when I am wrong and that you will always have the grace to forgive. I want you to see that it’s okay to make mistakes and that hurts or offenses do not have to be the end of a relationship. Forgiveness gives us the chance to start again.

One of my biggest fears is losing you. If I let myself, I could let that fear consume me and control the way I raise you. But I struggle to remind myself that you are a gift to me, that you really belong to God. You are His. I pray that His purposes for your life come to be. He is our Father, and his heart toward us is good; we are wise to trust Him.

And I pray that you do grow to trust Him. Without Jesus, I wouldn’t be able to love you the way I do. His grace is what holds our family together; it’s what holds our world together. If you really want to succeed in life, to know and live your purpose, you have to start with Christ. He is the one who created you and He desperately wants you to live a full life, the one that only He can give. It’s hard for me to believe this, but His love for you is stronger than mine.

Lastly, my dear ones, I believe in you. I am convinced that you two have what it takes to move mountains. You are so intelligent and capable. Be who you are and do what only you can do.

Remember to be kind to other people. Don’t use others to get what you want, but treat them as you’d want to be treated. If you have the opportunity to be generous, don’t let it pass you by. Make every effort to live in peace.

As always, I pray blessings on you your whole life.

I am proud of you and I love you,

Your Mama